wallowing....

You know things are bad when Your snapping at Your Master, the One You love completely, and all because He points out to You He is disappointed because You haven't written in your journal in close to 3 weeks, and you have completely stopped doing your tasks....and the worst part is you have allowed your focus to drift from Him and wallowed in your self pity and loathing. YES...its hard...the move, living on my sisters couch, still looking for a job and now somehow my ex has gotten the courts to order that my son cannot come to Denver to be with me at all. I have not heard from the courts on the court date yet and its been three plus weeks, and I feel as if Master and I are pulling away from each other, yet instead of embracing Him, refocusing on Him and allowing Him to help me through all this...I question Him and withdraw from His wishes. To make things worse, the RL of us is making the online near impossible anymore, we don't talk online hardly anymore because as He says, it's simply not enough anymore. He's right, but, we have to figure something out soon because there is still a little over 2 months before we can be together full time. In a time when we need each other, when I need Him the most we seem to be as far apart as 5 months ago when we split up....and that is killing me! So, here is my vow...to myself and to Him...the focus returns to Him, I go back to my tasks to help me keep my focus off all the hell my life has become and I keep putting one foot in front of the other and trust that all will be well again within the world.