In the end.....

So, the skinny is this, the Masters wife, the one He was divorcing had a stroke in the early Am today. It is a sad situation but, caused because her lack of care for her own person and health. She made bad choices in her life and because of it caused herself to become morbidly obese with a cocktail of medical issues because of it. So, now, once again I am faced with Master again choosing her over me. His since of responsibility to her make no sense to me whats so ever. I cannot continue on with being second in His life, or anyones life, I may be a self proclaimed submissive/slave...but I have feelings and needs too. And if I am giving EVERYTHING of myself to the One..then I have the right to expect the same. I may love Master but, I cannot accept the scraps that seem to be offered. I am not sure if I want to cry or get angry,I bounce from one emotion to another, I moved to Denver to be with Him, I even made sacrafices in being with my son to do so. Yet, I am not good enough for the same commitment. I am not worth the same level of of commitment.....

wallowing....

You know things are bad when Your snapping at Your Master, the One You love completely, and all because He points out to You He is disappointed because You haven't written in your journal in close to 3 weeks, and you have completely stopped doing your tasks....and the worst part is you have allowed your focus to drift from Him and wallowed in your self pity and loathing. YES...its hard...the move, living on my sisters couch, still looking for a job and now somehow my ex has gotten the courts to order that my son cannot come to Denver to be with me at all. I have not heard from the courts on the court date yet and its been three plus weeks, and I feel as if Master and I are pulling away from each other, yet instead of embracing Him, refocusing on Him and allowing Him to help me through all this...I question Him and withdraw from His wishes. To make things worse, the RL of us is making the online near impossible anymore, we don't talk online hardly anymore because as He says, it's simply not enough anymore. He's right, but, we have to figure something out soon because there is still a little over 2 months before we can be together full time. In a time when we need each other, when I need Him the most we seem to be as far apart as 5 months ago when we split up....and that is killing me! So, here is my vow...to myself and to Him...the focus returns to Him, I go back to my tasks to help me keep my focus off all the hell my life has become and I keep putting one foot in front of the other and trust that all will be well again within the world.

Needs and Changes

There are times in my life I wonder what makes the struggle worth it...why do  I continue to fight and claw my way through my life. Well, here I am 45 and I have no clue where life is going, how I'm going to get there or where it will end, all I know is that I'm struggling to find decent work, trying to raise my 10 year old son and fighting it out in courts with my ex....and seemingly not making any headway...my Master is here in Denver and I love Him desperately yet, not sure where that will go as He has His own struggles. I am clinging to a hope that MAYBE someday things will start to head in a direction that makes sense. Where i can begin to stabilize my emotions, and have some breathing room. WHEN will the stress go away!

In Denver...third day

Third day in Denver, and I'm not feeling any better about being here...need to find a job, need to get a hold of the courts in Pueblo see if the hearing date has been set yet...god that's so frustrating, really??!!!!!!!! what am I waiting on why am I waiting on the date? Zach is with me for the weekend, and I'm feeling more centered right now yay!!!!

In Denver...without my son...

Okay, been offline for a while now due to the move..I am in Denver and i am having mixed emotions about being here. I love that i am closer to Master and can see Him more often...yet, relocation is hard and all the court stuff is really getting to me badly. I wish i can say that all is well, it isn't i'm borderline depressive and my emotions are totally out of whack, i have moments of lucidity interlaced with manic/depressive episodes. I'm sure that part of that is due to lack of sleep and broken sleep as well as stress. I don't know how much more i can take of this but, i need to try and keep on somewhat of an even keel, i have to believe that all of the stress and court things will soon pass and my son and i can get stabilized again, working towards ... I hope!

Courts

Well, I filed with the courts yesterday for reallocation of EVERYTHING...including an emergency motion to allow me to go to Denver with zach to take this job. My ex found out and called me this morning telling me I was  not taking zach with me because HE said so. REALLY??!! Had the honor of telling him it wasn't his decision anymore, that it was now in the hands of the courts and paperwork was already filed. This was right after he told me he was going to see his attorney...I told him would probably be a good idea as paperwork is FILED with the courts. He got very quiet...
Well, if i dont hear on the emergency order in the next couple of hours i am going to drive to the courthouse and find out what is happening. ...*crosses her fingers*

Just one more week.....

Well, finally got my lappy back today...seems to be working well..Yay!!!!
I'm due in Denver next week, but, the legal issues are still in limbo...i'm going to have to pull the paperwork from offline...fill them out and file them with the courts myself...and pray!
Master is serving His own paperwork this week and is offline for the duration,  I am having a hard time dealing with that...it's difficult not to be able to speak to Him for that length of time...I'm worried for Him, worried for my own situation and I'm at an all time low needing His reassurances yet, not able to have them.

What an amazing day!

Today was just amazing all around! First off, i slept way better than i have in quite a while, and the ONLY dream i remember having was nothing shy of wonderful! No nightmares that i can remember! Then Master and i both woke up early and spent some one on one quality time together before my son woke...and again after my son went to school, mmmmmmmmmmmmm was sooooo yummy! Work, was good finally completed the exterior of this 100 year old victorian we had been working on and we got some of our regular maintenance work done. The biggest part of today was that, i FEEL less stress...my life may not be this perfect rose of a life right now, but each day and each step is taking me closer and closer to what i would like and want and need. Master and i are growing closer than i think W.we have Ever been and i can see and feel a difference in the two of U.us and O.our relationship. i am feeling more in tune with U.us and what W.we are working to achieve together! My boss now knows that i am going to Denver, my sister has agreed to let me stay with her until i go fully into service to Master...only one more step for me..talking to my ex and letting him know of the plans and that my son and i will be living in Denver now. i will post the results of that after it happens! my only concern with that is that he might decide to be a complete ass and say no, in which case i will have to take him back to court and petition the courts to allow this move..which will be really stupid on my exs part. He has not been very good about his child support payments and that is one of the things that has seriously hampered my ability to provide necessities to zach and once i tell the courts this, and tell them that the only way i can provide for zach the way he deserves IS to go to Denver where better paying jobs can be found..they will look down on my ex unfavorably. soooo heres to the next step!

Feeling a bit mutinous today....

UGH!
Today has been one that I would have gladly started over again...I'm feeling a bit mutinous, not at Master just in general...sighs...I don't know, I keep waiting for the ax to fall, and everything to go to hell. It seems like it has been on the verge of that for a year now and I am not enjoying the feeling, I keep hoping that things will stabilize, get semi normal at least..Maybe I'll be able to sleep for longer than a few hours at a time, or maybe sleep without the nightmares.
I'm just so ready to move on in life, move on with Master, start our new life together!

Preparing for the move....

OMG!
I am sitting here looking around my little apartment, piles of pillows and clothes strewn about, boxes and bags littering the nooks and cranies and even though I truly HATE moving, this is a huge step for me! I will be going to my sisters house in Denver and staying with her until things are settled with my Master, and then the move to His house! *shivers in anticipation*.

I never thought in a million years that this day would come, especially with Master. When I began this walk and accepted His collar, it was with the understanding that He and I could NEVER have RL together. All the heart aches and pitfalls that I have faced then have only made me stronger, more able to handle the reality that will soon be upon U/us. Do I believe I am ready for this? With Him, Yes! This RL move with Him is something my heart has prepared for from day one of my walk..my mind may not have been thinking along these lines but, my heart has ALWAYS said yes, and will continue to do so. I have loved Him for so long now that trying to find a replacement RL had been difficult, until Snark.
Snark has been the only other Dominant I know that I would have and had given myself to completely, loved without reserve. My love for Him rivaled that of my Master and it has been heart breaking for me to say good bye to Him, let Him go as my Dominant.   Master knows this, accepts that for a while my heart is divided and is willing to help me overcome my struggles as far as Snark goes. Master accepts that Snark will always be a part of my life because of my feelings for Snark, but...He also knows that I am fully invested into Him and that no matter what my feelings for Snark are, my whole focus will be on Him, His needs and wants and desires, and O/our life together.  Whatever may be in O/our future will be set by the journey He and I take, what W/we make of it and I am excited to begin this new step in O/our relationship. I expect it to be a lot of hard work, yet I know that it will all be worth it, the joy and love that W/we will have together will be the ultimate reward!

Another day....

I keep telling myself that today i'm going to journal...and that day stretches into tomorrow and the next and one more for good measure. Well, here it is today lol. I have gotten to speak some people in RL the last few days, apparently there is a small group here in Pueblo and i am excited about being able to meet others and talk with them. I love all my friends in the chat room but, it's not quite the same as getting to talk to O/one face to face and as my ultimate goal is 24/7 TPE, being able to serve One...well online just only goes so far. There is a parade at the end of the month here and i look forward to that, and sometime this week i am going to see if the group wouldn't like to meet somewhere for a munch...am i scared..no..nervous...some, after all, i'm talking about the rest of my life here lol. But, the excitement overshadows any nervousness i have and thats what i cling too on the days when i wonder if i will ever see RL ...somewhere there is a light at the end for this one.

Do i or don't i.....

This one is sooo mucked up lately, i want sooo much but, what i want always seems to be out of reach. When this one came into the lifestyle she thought that things would be easier for her, to learn about who she is, what her needs were and are, what her interests were and to find One who could love her. 

Feeling great today~!

This morning this one woke feeling better than she has in a few weeks. Her desire to walk this path and be whole and happy with it is strong, and even though she does not currently have One she can share it with she can still learn and grow and serve in small ways. 

The Aftermath

What does one do in the aftermath of a failed relationship? one picks up the shattered pieces and moves on...This one may be submissive but, she is very strong with a sense of who she is and what she needs. Just because she gives her Dominant(s) the power over her does not mean that she becomes a doormat she is still strong. This one has connected and reconnected with several new friends and one older but very dear friend. she doesn't know what the coming days or weeks or months will bring in her life but, she knows that with their strength, love and support this one will continue her journey. she will continue to grow and learn and someday she WILL have her hearts desire and be with One she can Respect, Love, and Serve with everything she is. All the pain and kink is frosting on the cake for her and if she can but find someone who is willing to take her and teach her, guide her, have the desire to be with her...she would be happy and complete.

Need for commitment

This one has as such a long weekend. It should have been full of renewal for her with her Master and Mistress, a time of quality sharing and growing....it turned out to be nothing like she pictured it. This one knows that RL has a way of interfering with a relationship even in an RL setting, its much more difficult when the relationship is online and via the phone. Yet, this one truly believes that if one is committed to making said relationship work..and it doesn't matter if it's BDSM or vanilla, then one does what they need to to make it work. It's even more important in a D/s or M/s relationship since communication is soooo important. In this girls case she not only needs but requires a higher level of attention, and this weekend there was virtually none. She has some with her Mistress and that's great, however the kind of time this one needs is much more involved than that and really needs more quality one on one time with her Owners...and it isn't forth coming. In fact it seems to only be getting worse. There was a time when They MADE the time to be with her, time when they were not distracted or busy but focused on this one, time when W/we could learn about each other, bond, play, talk or just be together....Now, it feels as this one is pushed back to a corner and being asked to accept scraps from her Owners. This one cannot accept that and even though W/we have discussed this subject it does not seem to be getting better...in fact it seems to be getting worse. She loves her owners or this wouldn't hurt so bad but, she cannot live with it as it stands .
~kitt~

Time

This week has been an up and down week for this one, she has spent a great deal of time reflecting on what is or is not important to her in the whole scheme of her life. This one has been missing time with her Master and Mistress this week, between this ones work schedule and their schedules it has been difficult. For this one time with them, real quality one on one time is sooo important, she has insecurities and doubts that surface as well as just a general need to feel close to Them. This morning as she was reflecting on what is truly important she realized that, even though time with them is not always guaranteed with online relationships, being with them and having them in her life is so much more important to her. So, this one will learn to adapt somehow and not let the lack of online time bother her so much as W/we learn about each other because if things work out, one day she will be with them in RL and the time will be there. 

Sa-eela Dance

Kittaras Sa-eela Dance

*The girl softly glides to the center of the pit, her body gently folding to her kneel. Toned legs spread widely as delicate hands rest lightly on her thighs, her head and eyes lowering. Light music begins, its soft notes weaving about the room. her head rises, orbs of the softest green scan the room, seeing Him she gazes at Him longingly. her soft coral lips opening slightly as a delicate pink tongue lightly glides across her full bottom lip leaving it glistening in the light as her body unfolds itself, her hands setting on the tiles in front of her, her legs pushing her lithe body up.*

*He continues to speak to the One sitting with Him not noticing the beautiful girl. her heart beat quickens as she takes a few soft flowing steps in His direction, her willowy arms reaching out to Him, her body bending at the waist as she leans forward, delicate silks draping down the full mounds of her breasts visible for a few seconds before she stands straight again, her arms raising over her head, hands clasping as her head lifts up. her body rising on her tip toes as she gently spins.*

*The music speeds up, the drums and strings calling a siren song as her body slowly folds towards the floor again. she pauses on her hands and knees, her back pushing down towards the floor as whimpers of need rise in the air, gentle tear drops falling as she pushes her chest towards down, her breasts lightly rubbing the rough texture of the tiles pale pink nipples beading as the desire she feels rushes through her body, drawing in a raspy breath as her head lifts, her glistening hazel eyes glazed with desire gaze into His longingly again*

 *He looks to her briefly before turning away His attention on the One next to Him. she cries out softly, glittering tears streaking down her face as she moves forward, her body gliding along the floor, her firm legs pushing her forwards, the firm globes of her ass High. The music slows again, mournful and deep. her heart crying out for the One to notice her, Claim her, her breath catching as she rises to her hands and knees again then slowly rising to a kneel, her legs spread widely*

*with a crash of the cymbals her body leans back, her head resting on the tiles, her back arches while her hips rise revealing her glistening moist heat to His gaze, her elegant hands gently gliding up milky thighs, slowing as they cross near her heat, a loud sigh escapes her lips. Moaning loudly as they travel across her toned belly, dainty fingers tracing and swirling around the curve of her breasts and pale pink buds of her nipples.*

*He rises and begins to walk towards the door, her sharp cry of anguish reaches His hears and He turns to see her eyes cast wide. Her body rolling quickly back to her hands and knees as the music rises in intensity. she begins to crawl forward, her movements fluid and feline. her mouth opening as she moans again, her body undulating as she nears Him. His piercing gaze watching her movements, somewhat cold in their feel, her movements becoming more frenzied as she rolls to her back again, softly rounded hips rising and falling gently, swaying from side to side, her head rolling and moving, shimmering waves of sun-kissed hair swaying. her moans growing in intensity as the music rushes and swirls around her*

*He gazes down at her, His eyes smoldering embers. her gaze hopeful as she turns to her side, her knees drawn up towards her chest as her toes point. her hands gently wrap around His ankles, her lips lightly guiding along her boots softly kissing them, her tongue darting out softly tracing the line of His foot encased within the worn leather, her heart beating rapidly as she writhes on the floor, her whimpers and moans rising again as her hands begin to draw her up His leg, her body following, firms breasts skimming the soft leather of His pants, her nipples hard nubs puckering the silks over them. her legs carefully wrapping around the foot of his boot her quivering heat lightly rubbing against the toe as she gazes into His eyes*

*He bends over to her, His strong hands grabbing her and lifting her to Him. she cries out softly as His Firm lips descend upon her lush, soft ones in a heated kiss, her heart soaring with joy as she melts to His strong touch and kiss, her desire spiraling out of control as He takes what is His.... ~LaKajira~

How does one......

*sighs deeply* 
How does one cope with so much all at one time? This one is frustrated lately, she is learning so many new things about herself, learning to understand a new type of dynamic within the poly relationship she is in, and trying to cope with an unquenchable need to be near the Ones she is bound to. She feels completely useless at times, and because of it gets frustrated. At other times she feels real jealousy over things that wouldn't bother her other times and it makes no sense to her. She craves and needs protocol, but also craves and needs to feel close, special and sometimes she feels left adrift with way too much time on her hands, and that bothers her the most........

Belt Dance

Kittaras Belt Dance

*The girl kneels in the sands of the pit in the middle of the hall, her lithe body folded forward, long delicate arms wrapped about her-self, her head lowered as the glittering mass of her sun kissed hair pools on the floor in front of her. The low beat of the drums begin in the background, the soft strings joining in after a moment, their haunting strains flowing about the girl. He sits on the finest furs on the dias, the warrior, proud and strong, sipping His mead as out of the corner of one eye He watches the girl.*

*her head rises slowly, turning, lifting, piercing lights glittering in her eyes as she seemingly gazes around the room for Him, full coral lips open softly as she spies His form relaxed on the furs. The music increasing in urgency as her body unfolds from its kneel, her arms reaching out as her body leans forward as if beseeching Him, begging, He turns His head speaking to Another, turning away from the girl*

*her arms and head drop at the refusal, her heart hammering in her chest as tears rise into her eyes, then her back rises her proud features determined as she places elegant hands on the floor before her, her breasts dropping low as elbows bend, soft arms laying on the floor as the firm peaks of her ass rise up high, silks sliding back baring the creamy flesh and glistening heat. With the crashing of the cymbals and the beat of the drums her arms and legs begin to move forward. Her body sliding along the floor in the direction of the warrior, orbs of the palest jade pleading as her delicate tongue darts out to run along her lush lips*

*Finally reaching His boots her head lowers her glistening lips softly kiss the tips of the boots as the soft notes of the flutes caress her, her hands reaching up to caress His legs, her whole body seemingly drawing in closer to Him. Her breath expels with a small sigh, her need and desire growing strongly. Pushing up with her hands she rises to her firm bottom, her legs splay widely as fiery tipped fingers gently caress the gleaming skin of her thighs, slowly tracing across them only to glide up the sensitive skin of her inner thighs. Her head rolling back, eyes closing as she sucks in her breath. Her fingers lightly drawing the soft yellow of her silks along with them, just uncovering the moist treasure of her heat*

*The cymbals crash again as the drums beat in the background, the sound of the flutes flowing around her as her body strains backwards, the back of her golden tresses fanning out on the floor, rounded hips rising up exposing her lush heat to the dark pools that are His eyes. her arms continuing their soft exploration of her body, gently skimming across her belly, lightly fluttering over the full rise of her breasts until they settle over her head her palms facing up as her body undulates in its desire and frustration. Low husky moans escape her lush lips*

*He turns His body again, His low tones murmuring to Another next to Him, her cry rising as her body rolls to her belly gentle hands clasping over her head, sinewy legs spread widely as the beat of the drums slow again, the crashing of the cymbals fading as she draws her legs up under her splaying widely, her hands reaching up to grasp the shimmering tresses, lifting them and draping them over the soft slope of her shoulder, shimmering tears coursing down her dewy cheeks as her head lowers*

*A powerful clash of the cymbals and the strings rise as her shoulders draw back rigidly, her head turning towards Him, her pale hazel eyes glowing in determination as her torso swings around, her hands drawing her with it as she rises to her hands and knees. Her piercing gaze never leaving his form as she begins to move, one hand sliding forward followed by beautifully formed leg, each movement feline is its grace and fluidity. Her back arching downward, forcing pert breasts to extend below her, pale pink nipples hardening as desires spirals through her*

*The drums slow again as she nears Him, His intense eyes watching her approach, His firm lips pursing while His deep eyes gleam. Her tongue again darts out to moisten her lush lips, the glittering teasing the senses as her legs draw up under her again, knees spreading widely almost painfully as her body rolls forward, her hands and chest brushing against His legs, her head lowering. He lifts one hand over her as if to strike, then slowly lowering to her bared neck grasping her tightly, His voice ringing out clearly. Mine.*

~LaKajira

Tile Dance

Kittaras Tile Dance

*A gentle music begins to fill the room, strings lightly playing, gentle beats of the drums mirror her heart beat as she lays on her side curled up on the blood red tiles. Softly formed legs pulled up to her chest, her sinewy arms gently wrapped around them, her eyes closed, golden waves of hair pooling out around her head as glistening lips gently open, her soft sighs escaping her. Her lithe body slowly unfolding, pale lids opening slowly, softly glowing eyes appearing and her legs stretch out, beautifully formed feet turning down as dainty toes come to a point.*

 *rolling over to her side, her gaze falling on the ring holding her chains to the blood red tiles as she wakes fully aware of her surroundings. she lightly reaches out to touch it a pang settling in her, her heart beat slowly increasing as a vision of Him fills her mind, her breath catching in her throat as a wave of need fills her. her legs curling up as the feeling washes through her body, a soft moan escaping her as her eyes quickly look back to His chair but He is not there. her eyes close quickly as she rolls to her stomach, willowy legs curling beneath her again, her back arching and head dropping to the floor as her minds spins with questions and desires she doesn't understand*

*crying out softly as she brings her head up again, her arms stretching out towards where He should be, loneliness and despair washes over her, the gentle strains of the music growing more intense as if mourning for her. her lush lips glisten as a small tear trails it way down her soft cheek, her body curling up once more as her feelings overwhelm her. Rolling again to her back again, her arm rising to cover her eyes as her mind portrays Him there with her, His touch...will it be soft ...will it be rough .. His kisses, will He taste like the honey mead He so enjoys? her body begins to rock softly, her back arching as her need pools in her core the  ache building*

*taking a deep shuddering breath her arm falls, softly her fingers glide down her chest, barely skimming the fullness of her breast. her breath rushing out loudly as desire skitters through her, her mind trying to imagine Him here with her, finally taking what was His. Rolling to her side in frustration, her gaze fixes on the door to the rest of His home, her mind spinning with thoughts. Her arms reaching out to it, a desperate hope for Him to appear, her mouth opening again as soft hazel orbs fill with tears once more. her frustration mounts as her body begins to throb with its need*

*curling up her legs drawing them up to her chest, her arms wrapped around them, her head rocking side to side as the misery of her need shoots through all parts of her. Soft beats of the drums and strings infusing her soul allowing her some measure of peace momentarily as her body uncurls her legs stretch out, soft, delicate feet gently twining around each other in the lightest of touches. Sucking in her breath again as the need spirals throughout her, her breath hissing through her teeth.*

*rolling to her stomach, her legs and arms pushing her lithe body along the surface of the floor slowly. One arm reaching out towards the doorway as one legs draws up underneath her, her hips rising and falling as she claws her way forward. The chains stopping her near the door, but not near enough, an anguished moan rising from her as her head drops lightly to the tiles, the music intensifying, rolling over her in waves*

*laying near the doorway, her tears flowing freely as her body trembles and shivers with unfulfilled need, her breathing ragged. Her arms and legs lying as she stopped, one arm reaching forward towards the door and one leg resting under her. A soft sound permeates her senses, her breath stopping as her head raises slightly, her eyes glistening from tears as she listens...again the sound, soft and distant, her mouth lifting in a joyous smile*

*The sound of His footsteps drawing closer, finally stopping outside the doorway and then the click of a lock, the soft whoosh of it opening and then His beloved face...her body scrambling to rise to meet Him. His long stride brings Him to her quickly, His hand staying her position. her gaze confused as she looks into His dark orbs, His hand touching her mouth softly as His finger stops her words. At long last, His arms draw her to Him, His lips claiming hers, taking her as what she is*  ~la kajira~

Chain Dance

*The girl huddles daintily at the edge of the sand pit, her lithe frame covered in green robes her glittering eyes the only thing showing as she gazes fearfully around her. The gathering around her begins to jeer as the music begins, the beat of the drums and the strings intense, her noble features taught with anxiety, the crowd cheers as a dark form appears on the rim of the pit, the shimmering pools of her misty green eyes drawing to Him. Quickly standing she sees Him as hope, her savior and begins to run towards Him. Tears coursing down her face as a long graceful arm reaches out to Him*
.
* His head rises fully, dark, piercing eyes stare at her, his harsh mouth turning up lustfully as His strong hand reaches out grasping her robe. Stopping still as she realizes her mistake, her hand rising up to cover her mouth as she gasps out her fear and surprise. Spinning on her feet she turns again to run, His hand pulling roughly on the robes tearing them from her body leaving her completely exposed to the gleeful gazes of the crowd*

*she falls forward onto her hands and knees, the lean lines of her body shimmer in the firelight, long elegant legs shaking slightly, pert breasts rising and falling with her harsh breathing, a cascade of molten gold flows down around her face to lay pooling on the sands as tears fall, wetting delicate hands. Crying out her misery as His long strides carry Him her. He takes out a hammered metal collar from behind Him, fixing it quickly around her neck and locking it tightly in place, startling her*

*The flow of the music intensifies, rising in volume as her head jerks up at the feel of the steel around her, her proud features contorting in anger and frustration. Jumping up to her feet and running in the opposite direction of the One who would think to command her. her beautifully molded mouth crying out her agony and shame, sinewy arms reach out to others as she nears the edge of the pit, entreating Any and All, only to be jerked off balance, her body landing with a jarring thud as the length of chain ends her rapid flight*

*Tears flow freely now as the chain reminds her now that she will be slave, her heart hammers in her chest as she rises again. Standing majestically before them in her anger, soft pale skin shivers as she turns to face Him, softly toned thighs gently flexing at her movements, He smiles in pleasure as He gazes at her finely molded features, rounded hips, delicately indented waist, firm, high breasts...*

* Slowly drawing the chain in and wrapping it around His hand, He tugs her in closer, feeling the tug she bolts in His direction. Reaching His chiseled frame, soft hands beat at His chest as her frustration mounts low growls escape her as she peers at His hard unmoving eyes. Spinning again she runs towards the edge of the sands, the chains pulling her up before even reaching the edge, her frame falling once more as her chest tightens with her tears, mournful wails rising to the starlit sky*

* Gathering more of the chain around His fist , He draws her even closer as she rises. Shimmering iridescent pools of jades gaze at Him as her heart calls to her, something primitive and needy beginning to rise within her breasts. No! shaking her head she tries to run again, sun kissed locks flaring out behind her as her steps take her around the pit, her gaze searching for someone, anyone who will help her*

* Again, He wraps more of the chain around His fist, bringing her circle of freedom to no more than a few feet of him. The music begins to slow, the drums softening as the strings lightly play, cymbals crash once more as she is drawn up again only to stop facing away from Him. her legs spread widely, hands skimming up her waist to rest on heaving breasts as her eyes cast wildly about her.

*her head drops in her misery and confusion, she turns to face Him again.The wide masculine lips turning up widely as He wraps the chains once more, gently pulling her even nearer to Him.The beauty before him softly steps forward, her willowy arms rising up gently beseeching Him, tears softly trailing their way down the rose blooms of her cheeks. Anger takes root once more as she realizes He will not release her. Running to Him again, falling before Him hands clasp above her head as she cries out her anger and pain.

*He draws in the chain once more, smiling at her His intent clear.
Piercing eyes glare at Him as she backs away from Him, her trim feet pushing her body away, her hands grasping at the sands.  He remains in place watching her softly now as He again draws her in so that she cannot move but a mere foot from Him.*

*One anguished moan is torn from her as she finally accepts her fate, turning to her hands and knees as she gazes up at Him, once more a hopeful look crosses her face as the strings lightly fade away leaving only the soft beats of the drum. Circling the last length of the chain around His hand. her heart takes flight. her lithe body unfolding as she gently kneels before Him, her noble frame rising to kneel before Him, her head rising proudly as her eyes cast down and delicate hands rest on her thighs.

*His hard hand gently reaches out to her face, softly stroking it as he utters one word in a firm voice. "Mine"*

~LaKajira~

Well...the journey begins...or in this case is reborn and renewed!

Hmmm, this girl is not sure how to begin a blog...*giggles* it's not something she is accustomed to doing! However, she is going to try!
Her walk in the BDSM lifestyle started back in early February of 2011, and it began wonderfully with this one so full of hope and wonder! The One who introduced her to her submissive self seemed so confidant and self assured. He was everything that this one could hope for in what she thought a Dominant should be, and for many months she couldn't have been happier. Then on the 9th of June it happened, her Master sent her a private message telling her that He was releasing her, that He had never considered her and was just using her until He could find a slave worthy of Him. This one was devastated at first, but because she has met some very special people along the way she was able to work through the whole thing and grow stronger for it. This one now has a new Master and Mistress, an RL couple that seem to love and want this one, a couple this one has come to love and cherish above all others! W/we are newly joined, and while it is only an online relationship right now this one hopes that in time they will see her as a part of their household and want to bring her to Them.

A Dominants Tools....an oops!

A Dominants Tools

In the whole scope of things, one should never “borrow” a Dominants tools without their approval. Among all the different reasons why this one shouldn’t do that, there is only a few that really cover it all, training and safety come to mind. And only one that this one forgot for a few brief minutes of playtime.  Respect. Of this ones two distinct personalities, her kitty side is the one most apt to get into trouble; she does things without thought or concern for others. She is not a “bad kitty” per se, she just doesn’t consider the consequences of her “fun” and in this case dropped her good personality into some hot water and leaving her struggling to right the wrong done, which now brings us to why a submissive or slave should not take their Dominants tools without permission.

First off, a submissive/slave generally has not had any training in the use of the tools, and just because one is on the receiving end of said tool does NOT automatically qualify one as an expert!  Dominants/Tops spend a great may years learning their “trade”, it is Their responsibility as a Dominant/Top to ensure the safety and welfare of the subs/bottoms/slaves beneath their hands. Most tools can and do harm, and in the hands of One that is responsible and well trained those tools create an amazing blend of controlled pain mixed with pleasure that will ensure that both the Dominant and sub are satisfied.

Safety is another primary concern and there are so many ways that any tool, in the wrong hands, could seriously injure or even maim or kill. In this case the simple crop this one chose to borrow uses, blunt force to inflict pain, ohhhh so deliciously too! However, hit someone too hard in say the kidneys…bad news, or across the spinal column damaging it, we don’t want to go there!

And, the one thing that this one did not think about was the respect that her Dominants deserve. The tools are just another extension of Them, the same as the home they live in, the furniture in it, the clothes they wear…and their submissive, They are not just bodies with a voice. So, to say one respects their Dominants it is with everything! The care of this girls Owners does not stop at the bedroom door; it extends into the very fabric of O/our lives, private and public. How she behaves, what she does with their possessions, including her body, all reflects back on Them!

This one knows that during her journey, she will make mistakes; she also knows that she will learn from those mistakes and each day she will work hard to ensure that They are pleased, happy and content. Because in the end, for this girl…she is only happy when she has served them to the best of her ability.

Okay...sooo an essay..guess that wasn't so much fun play as this one thought!